everybody feels cheated sometimes

so originally i had plans to study it up today but that plan failed. i went on some errands with my mum in the morning/lunchtime while practicing to drive, drove on the freeway for the first time for like a minute anyways. not too bad, i don't feel so nervous about driving anymore, my palms aren't as sweaty.
anywho this post is dedicated to the first half of my mid semester break, as i had mentioned in the previous post.

Monday: S's Surprise Picnic/BBQ
Ok so i woke up early and made my way to Bentleigh where i haven't been for a while. Met up with Y, Sh, N and V and we made our way to safeway to buy some food for the bbq. after that we walked to the park which was pretty awesome, the park that is. so we set up the bbq and starting cooking the sausages. M, Y and me wondered over to the playground which was so cool, we went on the spinning thing which was so much fun. Sh and N went to bring S over to the park. while M and i were on the spinning thing, we saw S blindfolded walking towards our bbq site. so immediately me and M got off and felt the effects of dizziness, we tried running in a straight line but we failed, ahaha it was pretty funny, because we were pretty loud so i'm not quite sure if S heard us or not.

So we surprised S, and Sh bake this epic cake 6 layered cake that had a different colour for each layers with jam in between. Set up the table for food, and then S dropped a plate of sausages but it was alright because we had plenty of food anyways. i love sausages, i dunno but they are so yummy and i always look forward to sausage sizzles.

V and N ate the pavlova i made and said it was nice. the thing is, i screwed up the meringue base so it was kinda marshmellowy in the middle but none-the-less, my friends seemed to like it but i wasn't so sure, i hate it when my cooking screws up. i mean most of the time it's my fault but thats not point. then it started raining pretty heavily so we made our way to S's house for a viewing of Sidney White and more stuffing our faces with junk food. then i left with Y earlier because i needed to get ready for tuesday.

Tuesday: My Birthday Party
Oh the day that i have been forward to for ages, although my happiness has been overshadowed by another factor that only one other person knows about, its stupid really, but i cannot help but to think about it. but on the day i was feeling really happy. i love hanging out with my friends and it felt good to know that they were all there for me, ok i know that sounded snobby and conceited but its a really good feeling, and its also a rare feeling as well so when it does happen, i think you've just got to embrace it. so everyone came while i was icing my cake, which looked stupid. the icing became quite stiff and somehow managed to get three shades of brown in the one batch of icing, i have no idea how that had happened.
oh yeah so this was how i did my introductions:
"Guys, uni friends, high school friends" pointing to each group respectively, well that intro didn't really work out because some people overlapped in the two categories. so i tried again, it wasn't too hard because my uni friends know most of my highschool friends anyways so hopefully it wasn't too awkward.
so we played band hero for a while and then we ate the food. after we ate, my highschool friends went to play band hero again while my uni friends played on the wii. i was a bit iffy about the separation because i wanted unity in my group of friends. but its ok, they seemed fine with that.
then my 'high school friends' watched Mean Girls, and i was waiting for the "You go, Glen Coco" part. Mean girls is fricking hilarious and so quotable, well that was the main reason we wanted to watch it, so that we can start memorizing the lines again.
then after it was time for cake, i tried to cover up my stupid looking cake with strawberries and sprinkles, that didn't really work but oh wells. so they sang happy birthday and all those cliched stuff. i took forever to cut the cake. it tasted alright but i wished i used chocolate whipped cream instead of buttercream icing, i think it would have worked better with the cake.

then we played a "How well do you know Me?" game which was pretty fun but it got really hard to come up with questions about myself. i gave the winners prizes and one of them was a pack of stick on moustaches which was so cool and then we took some photos, which i think need to be developed and hung up proudly on the wall.

so after, we played sing star which was fun, which reminds me that i need to get more sing star games because there wasn't much choice of songs, and my friends didn't know half the songs. i was trying to spilt myself evenly between 'uni' and 'highschool' but i think i spent more time with 'highschool' so then i kinda felt bad, so hopefully they didn't feel isolated or anything and had fun. because i admit my 'highschool' together can be quite loud and overpowering but its ok, because i'm like that too. its just that the dichotomy between the two groups were quite clear. wish i had taken more photos with them as well, but i never take many photos on my parties anyways, but luckily i had M to take some photos for me.
anywhoo it was getting quite late and my 'uni' friends had to go, and i suddenly felt quite sad, because it felt they didn't stay long at all. i guess i did say the party would end at around 4 and it was like 5.30. So i said we can do one high school musical song and then they can go.
oh yeah so before they left, i opened my presents, and i was quite excited because i love presents. as you can guess there was so much squealing involved, my 'uni' friends got me a cook book and a tripod which i love, and my 'highschool' friends got me the ralph lauren romance perfume which i have been wanting but its a tad expensive. i opened it immediately and sprayed some on. then i proceeded to hug everyone. i was little awkward hugging the guys because i haven't hug a guy since year 7 and even back then it was awkward. i don't even do hugs with anyone in general but i was really really happy. B told me they tried to figure out what to get me by stalking my blog, which i am not quite sure how i feel about that, because i do tend to reveal a lot of inner thoughts in my posts, but thats ok. so they left and it was M, J, Y and L(N) left and so we decided to take some photos, after trying to balance the camera on the table, i suddenly realised that i now have a tripod so i opened it and used it immediately, with the tripod, we were able to take some photos outside.

this is our glee pose, which i really like.

this is indoors jumping pose.

this is our failed outdoor jumping pose.

this is our failed Marilyn Monroe pose.

this is our failed superhero pose

this is our failed beatles pose.

this is us posing on a rock

this is us posing on a bench.

then we went back to my house and made up captions for the photos which made us dissolve in bursts of laughter and giggles, but then they eventually had to go home as it was quite late and it would have taken around 2 hours for some of them to get home. and then when everyone was gone, i felt sad.

wednesday: Catch Up Day/Movie Day
So today was the day of our proposed 12H reunion, and yeah so it turned out to be only me and Mels. Yes it was a rocking fantastic reunion. i found it quite hilarious. but it was good catching up with Mels because i haven't seen her for quite a while so we had lunch and bummed around melb central for a bit. and then i met up with Y and Ti as they were in the city as well, and it was still early. so i hung out with them and then we watched 'Easy A'. i quite enjoyed the movie though it wasn't the best, it was a little different than your typical teenage school movies. movie tickets are very expensive and i was a bit reluctant to go because it wasn't a tuesday so i had to pay full price tickets. but i watched the movie anyways because i wanted to see the movie.
then Tif left and me and Y went to hang out in borders, because that is our go-to place. so after rushing to borders at south wharf to pick some books, we made our way back to the station and went home. i was sad because it was the last day of hanging out in the holidays.

so today i was in a depressed mood, because i was getting withdrawal symptoms from not seeing my friends, and a little part of me wants to go back to uni so i can have some friendship interaction, but only a tiny tiny part of me. exams are creeping very quickly and knowing me, my exam studying will not kick in for at least a week. oh wells, lets hope that i survive through these exams.

love Squealer.

ps. sorry for some of the bad quality photos, i fully compressed the image so it can upload faster.

Inside of You

My internet is being screwy so i cannot do a proper post about the fun awesome days that i have had in my mid semester break. i cannot post the photos that i wanted to so this post is going to be a pre-post about the past couple of days. Boy did we (my friends and I) manage to pack a chocablock full of fun into a limited amount of time, although we had everyday planned of the holidays, realistically we knew that we weren't going to stick to the plan but we did try. But never fear because after all the hustle and bustle of exams, we have three months of doing whatever we want.

okay so quick summary with a photo: 

Monday: It was Susan's surprise BBQ picnic, which was very fun. I learnt how to turn on a bbq in a public place, well ok all you have to do is press a button but i never knew that, so give me some credit. 

we went to a park in bentleigh, which was a pretty cool park, why why are all the best parks not in my local suburb? Here's a snippet of funny story: dizziness. Are you hooked? 

Tuesday: The day that i have been looking forward to for a long time, despite a minor glitch. it was bday party which was originally planned in Geelong but the weather turned bad so i changed it to my house. i wanted it to be different this year because for the past three years it has always been a house party, but the thing about house parties is that you don't have to go anywhere. but next year, its going to an intimate restaurant party with close friends( well at least thats the plan for now and you guys all know that i am the most indecisive person out there). pretty good turnout and many many laughs. one word: mustaches. 

Wednesday: Today was the 12H reunion and you guys can guess how many people turned up, i'm gonna let you use your noodles for that one and the answer will be revealed in the next post. Also met up with Y and Ti afterwards as a half spontaneous thing and we bummed around and watched a movie, you guys can have a guess on what we watched. 

tomorrow's the deadline for VTAC applications and boy does my PI form look very very crap, i think i am almost certain that i am not going to get into dentistry but i am on my way to accepting that fact. i guess the world has a plan for me and this is it. Not that i mind, i mean sure i was very hesitant about the way my life was turning out, with many exclaims of  "I hate my life" but i have learnt to love my life and appreciate whatever comes my way. 

you see, while i was waiting at the station for train to get home, i had a revelation. I was (am) really really happy. Sure i miss high school but that feeling is slowly dying although i don't think it would ever be gone. despite not seeing my friends from highschool everyday, the times that we had spent together have been so much fun and full of randomness, laughter and weird moments that make me smile and sometimes i burst out laughing when i think of the moments. the infrequent times that we meet up has made me appreciate their friendship so much more and i am growing very close to them. this year has been so so much fun, and while uni has gotten off to a rough start, i think i have found my place. And if i did get into dentistry i don't think the year would have turned out the way it has, and i don't think i would change any moment. and really, i could always do dentistry post grad, which means i can theoretically end up with two degrees which is  pretty awesome. although i think my life has been so much better because of the people around me, i think thats why i don't mind being in pharmacy. 

Love Squealer. 

i wanna be a billionaire

oh my, the first glee episode for season 2 was amazing, i didn't want it to end, i was seriously watching the time and savoring every moment. you know i love a tv show when i get off tumblr/internet and actually watch tv. i haven't watched a proper tv show on tv for a while, its just that i hate commercials and hate having to adhere to a time schedule, i like to do my own thing. anywhoo fantastic episode, the songs were done very well, love the empire state of mind song and the telephone one. well my point is that you should have watched it, it is awesome.

Rachael looks quite mean in this screen shot.

my mood has been pretty gone downhill from when i got home from uni. i got my Umat results today and all i can say is that i did better then last year, not by much but still. i got what i was aiming for so i guess that's ok. but it also means the chances of me getting into dent are very very slim at the moment. i think i need to go on some soul searching someday and reevaluate my life and figure what is that i want to do for the rest of my life. i envy those who know exactly what they want. i feel as if i am not mature enough to make that decision because i feel like i hardly know myself well enough to know where i want to be. i'm still a kid and i can barely make any decisions let alone the big important ones. i guess, i just run away from my life a while, just take off by myself and see where the world leads me to. i just want to take some time off and go to a place where i have never been and in an environment that is so different to what i am used to, away from school, results and exams away from anything academically related, you know? sometimes i get really jealous of those who know what they want, where i feel like i'm drifting, kinda like a pointless life. ok i am going to stop there because i am depressing myself and being dramatic as usual.

I am loving Brandon Flower's new album, it is so so good. i love it, maybe even enough to buy the actual album, well maybe i shall buy it when he goes on tour to australia which i wish he would do soon because i would love to meet him in real life, and maybe start hyperventilating. anywho you guys should check it out if you have a chance, my favourite songs are only the young, crossfire and swallow it. i have a soft spot for Brandon Flowers because he was my first band guy crush, there's this part in the Mr Brightside, where he does this pout, everytime i see it, it makes me goes spastic and my heart go all gooey. i have seen the video clip so many times and i still have the same reaction, i love love love it. his pout is so awesome.

oh my. 

Ok so two things you should take away from this post.
watch glee and watch the mr brightside video and look out for Brandon's pout.

Much Love
Squealer.

only the young can break away

so i went to my local op shop today because i finished uni early today. hehe only had two hours of uni and it was a prac, a pretty straight forward prac as well, except its pharmacy practice prac so it just confirms that i will be a bad pharmacist, i lose quite a lot of product when i'm making drugs. yeah i alway try to cover up the evidence when i do lose anything so the demonstrator doesn't see, i think i have perfected that skill. ;)

so i bought some new patterned tights, you know those ones with bows and dots and whatnot. i've always wanted a polka dot black one but i couldn't really justify spending money on it because the tights are very very thin and i don't think would last long seeing that normal thick tights, i still manage to get holes through them.
anywho these are the tights that i managed to buy. i wore them all over my grey tights because they are very thin, i mean i know they were sheer but i didn't think they would be so sheer. yeah thats the thing with me, i alway get surprised at things even though the title/name gives it away, like i once told my friend "How I met your mother is really about how i met your mother"

this is a pink one with bows and dots, they are quite small, but still pretty.

this is a blue one with diamonds.

this one is white with black bows. i think i like this the most.

i cannot wait to wear them, and at least they won't be hot in the warmer weather because they are basically like nothing.

just a warning. the following is another dentistry/VTAC application rant which i'm sure you guys have memorised by now but i feel like pointing out things again.
i was meant to write up my Pi form for my VTAC application but i have no idea what to write. i tried to write something and only managed to write only a sentence. its due in less than 10 days so i am getting worried, so now i'm pretty sure i will not get into dentistry. i don't really mind, i mean it would be the best to get into dent, but i don't know if its meant to be. there are so many obstacles to transfer from a non-year 12 position. i have no idea why i want to be a dentist and i don't have any work experience so basically even if i wrote my application, it would be very empty so that doesn't leave a good impression. i've grown to like uni, i mean the course is do-able and i love my friends, i've settled into a group and i am happy.
although i wouldn't mind doing biomedicine.......

Much love, squealer.

growing up won't bring us down.

what a fun weekend this one has been, so fun and relaxing and i have totally  forgotten about studying and doing homework. hehe but then again it's not like i do any studying in the first place. so now i am in holiday mode, curled up in bed and watching things, right now i am watching pretty little liars, i thought the first episode was ok but the rest is getting boring, i guess it's one of those tv shows that i watch just to know what happens and passes time. anywho back to the very fun sleepover. i'll try not to write too much detail, but i'll put in some photos but there weren't many good ones and i didn't take any group ones, just really random ones.

so i made my way to S's house with Y, quite uneventful and your typical train ride, although it saturday timetable so infrequent public transport. but luckily we N to drive us to S's house, oh i wish i could drive, it would make life so much easier. 

anywho so we walked into S's house, opened the door to eating room and it was a surprise birthday party for me, i was quite shocked, but at first i didn't realised that the surprise was for me but then i saw the happy birthday sign, and i was oh yay it's for me. i was pleasantly surprised, they have set up a whole american theme and i was 'awww how sweet.' there were burgers, chips and the red cups and scones. although i didn't take a photo of the decorations, but there were streamers hung, my friends said that they wanted just red and white streamers but they had ran out of the colours. there were name cards, and they each had a HSM character name on it and so for the rest of the weekend that's who we referred ourselves as, it was fun! i was Gabriella who i have always wanted to be =) the burgers were very yummy and i felt like an american. 

then we settled in and watched Camp Rock 2 which i was very excited to watch. it was quite good, we basically spent a huge chunk of the movie laughing and commenting about the new girl's big mouth, we were cringing everytime we saw it and Demi's changed looks and how it makes her look weird and slightly evil. 

and they also made me a cake which spelt out the letters HSM on it, it was yummy and to save us from cleaning up, we ate out of cups which i must say was a strangely satisfying experience, and very weird. the cups were awesome, very american. 

while eating cake, we were all discussing our future husbands, and N came up with some very imaginative ones. mine was going to be korean and make me korean bbq all day, he would have to be smart but not too smart, a history of twins, 10 children, 5 births, plays violin/guitar, hmm i can't remember anything else, but mine weren't as crazy as T's or S's. it was fun listening to how our future husbands going to be. 

look at what M made, very appetizing. =) 

for dinner, we had milkshakes and spiders, i had a strawberry milkshake and it was yummy. thanks to Su and M who were the milkshake makers of the evening. also T and N made an apple crumble which i will talk about late. they did a pretty cool job. i love how my friends kept it in the american theme.

while we were drinking our drinks, S suddenly got freaked out by a mosquito, she tried to kill and it landed in a cup, then S looked in the cup and then shrieked and started pouring a chocolate milkshake over it. we asked her why she was freaking out and she showed us the mosquito and it was so massive, i couldn't look at it for long. Su was playing with it and then suddenly, she was like "its still alive" so she tried further to drown it, it was pretty funny. 

we were playing "would you rather..." and we got some pretty good laughs out it, most of the options had to do with being naked and pain. i'm really bad at these games because i can never can come up with any options, i have no imagination. but it was really fun. 

afterwards we got ready for bed, and it took us a couple of hours to decide on a movie, we wanted to watch a chick flick, but there wasn't an extensive list of chick flicks, but there were heaps of movies to choose from, we finally decided on watching "clue" which was the cluedo movie, which we intrigued by the idea. so we spent the next couple of hours going on tumblr and internet-ing. and also we checked out some youtube videos which were hilarious, we watched it a couple of times. 

then we finally settled into the movie and watched it. it was really good although i think i had fallen asleep for about 10 mins of the movie, i was just really tired. anywho i woke up for the end, and it was pretty good. it reminded me of the book "And then there were none." well i recommend it to anyone, a really good movie. 

we all went to sleep at around 3-ish and i was really tired. it was a good sleep and luckily i didn't have to wake up early as we normally do. although we did get up pretty early, at around 9.30 and then we laid around talking in bed for a couple of hours and got up to make some 'breakfast.' our breakfast consisted of jaffles(which i learnt were toasted cheese and tomato sandwiches), mini burgers (leftover from yesterday), garlic bread and scones. all toped off with the apple crumble and ice cream for dessert, it was all very yummy and i was very full afterwards. 

then we cleaned up the house and then we had to leave. N drove T.Su and M home which i was quite grateful for because it meant that i didn't have to catch a train home. also we stopped by Su's house and saw her cute as dog, it was a blonde Labrador and it was hyper and very gorgeous. oh i wish i had a dog. then we left, dropped T off and we went along the beach area, which i loved and made me wished i was rich enough to afford a beach house. so i got home and went straight into watching pretty little liars and took a long nap. so much for the studying that i was planning to do, oh well i still have time to study for exams anyways. 

Thanks peeps for the party =D

Much love, Squealer. 

fuel to the fire

i should start blogging more on this blog, i have been a bit neglectful of my tumblr blog, i just can't be bothered anymore and with exams luming very fast, i'm not sure i have time. speaking of exams, my exams timetable is very bad, i have a massive break inbetween exams which mean i get less holidays and the break will make me procrastinate as usual, because i think i will start my holiday mode very early which is bad because then i would not study properly for the last two exams after the break. anywhoo i am quite pissed off but what can you do? at least i still get a couple months of holidays, and and and then soundwave which i am very excited for, i keep thinking about in my head, thinking of scenarios and how the day would pan out, yes i have a lot of time on my hands and i like to think a lot on my walks. so far, i've got my friends and i chatting up heaps of bands and clicking right away and become besties for the day. also i've got me making eye contact with some of the bands people or even better reaching out to hold the hand of a singer, which might also make me faint depending on who the singer is, i'm hoping nevershoutnever, but maybe john o? but i don't know john that well, maybe he can hold M's hand and i can take a photo and i can do a little wave, wait i can't wave in the middle of a mosh pit because that doesn't work because it wouldn't look like a wave, but it will just look like i'm moshing. ok i just wrote down my whole train of thought there, hope you guys was able to follow that. 

today i went to badminton as usual, but this time i went without V for the first time, but it was ok i had B and sometimes M when she wasn't invading my personal space ;) we went old school and actually paid for the courts this time, because the other times we used to sneak in but a couple of weeks ago, we kinda got busted and i think the msac workers got suspicious. i was playing with R, M, C, B, L and J (ahaha that just looked like random letters) which was good but i think i still suck, and i am not getting any better. man it was so weird without V, kinda felt like i was drifting. i find it hard for myself to approach a social group even if they are my friends unless i have my security blanket. i'm just not the sort of the person that gets along with everyone and i make everything awkward without even trying, but managed to tone down the awkwardness and tuned up my quietness. also i think i didn't know some of the people which made me a bit more reluctant. ok so i think that me and social situations do not mix. i was excited afterwards because we were going to get free icecream later at a new ice cream place. i love free stuff as you do when you're Asian. i was really looking forward to getting the rainbow flavour but i guess it's not really an asian flavour, the ice cream place was asian. yeah i was trying to describe the concept of the flavour "rainbow"to B because he was a bit perplexed but i all i could say that it tasted like "rainbow" which didn't really help with the understanding. yeah i kept repeating rainbow. anywho i got a mango sorbet and it came in a waffle bowl, it very nice and satisfying also maybe the free-ness contributed to the niceness of the sorbet. the prices are quite expensive and i wouldn't go to the place again, maybe if it was cheaper in the future, but i highly doubt that will happen. the voucher was restricted to 2 per table so our group kinda took over a lot of the tables. 

imagine that there was only one scoop and it was orange and there you have it, what i ate =)

yuummm i have a craving for rainbow ice cream now. 

also i'm contemplating going to the retrostar tomorrow because i would like to get some nice vintage dresses but i really could not be bothered going, and plus i do have quite a lot of clothes, so i shouldn't really add to it, but then again you can never have to many clothes but i guess you don't have an endless supply of money. maybe i will just wait for the next one. actually i do this everytime there is a retrostar sale, i always think about going but then i never do, i am so so predictable. 

anywho that was my lovely friday, always a nice ending to the school week. how were your fridays?

i am very excited for tomorrow(today) as i am going over to my friend's house for a sleepover and fun times which also means use of my camera, which also means you guys can looks forward to an update on sunday about fun times we had with photos this time and you guys can be sad that you were not there. ahaha i'm kidding, i don't meant to gloat, hmm is that the right word? anyways, until next time. 

Much Love, Squealer. 

holmes is in the hood

yesterday my friends and I went to a pub for a trivia night, it was my first time i have been to a club and when we walked in, man did we stand out. there were just middle-age to not-quite-senior business people and then there was us. hehe. it was a sherlock holmes themed bar, and the outside had a pretty cool sign and the inside was pretty cool too, it feels very homey, casual and antique-y. i felt like i was in how i met your mother and made me wish that i had a steady job and a close group of friends to go out everyday in a bar/pub, hmm tv shows always makes life so idealistic and fun. anywhos, we arrived early and decided to order food first, the prices were a bit pricey and quite a bit more than what i usually pay for food, but i guess i only go out with my friends every so often, but lately these outings have been increasing which mean a decreasing bank balance, oh man wish i had a job so i can not groan every time i check my bank balance. anywho i ordered a chicken parmigiana which was quite nice which i managed to finish the whole thing, maybe because i knew how much i paid for it and i didn't want to waste any food. i love chicken, just putting it out there. so we ate our foods and waited for 6.30 to roll around so the trivia can begin. so trivia began but we were missing two members of group, who we really needed the help of, the questions were like superquiz style and i only partially knew a little of the answers. i'm so glad for my uni crew for catching my up on current affairs because i am a clueless person. so we got through the rounds ok, but we still came last. hehe, we were happy about some of the pop culture questions which luckily we knew the answers to, ahhh to be young, though i still think being 19 is quite old. it was a very fun night and i wish we could do it more often but i would be so broke. afterwards our walk to spencer street was quite funny, i think we all must of looked drunk to the bystanders. we were posing with some statues which we found hilarious.

the table where we sat, obviously that wasn't us, i didn't bring my camera because i knew that it wouldn't fit in the locker. 

the chicken thingy that i had. yummo. also not my picture. 

i got home at 9.30 and i felt so tired that i had no energy to study so i just went to sleep, well i originally was going to take a nap but i woke up feeling so tired so yeah it was clearly bedtime.

anywho i walked to school this morning, and while i was getting close to school, a postman, which i must of past, said "that was quick." and i just smiled awkwardly as i always do to people to whom i have no idea what they are talking about, oh then i realized he must of been talking about my walking speed. it made me feel good about myself, i'm a fast walker. i used to quite slow actually but it took years of walking with my friend who has longer legs than i do and walks faster than me to get me to the speed that i now currently walk at. also i am always in a rush somewhere, so i'm always jogging/power walking somewhere, most likely you will find me running to catch public transport because i always cut it close.
i also decided to walk to from melb central to school tomorrow, it only takes around 35mins but it might take longer because i think i shall take it slowly. it will me me-thinking time which i love, but also depresses me because i think about my life and how i would like my life to be or where i would like to skip forward in my life, but that's ok i'm used to my thoughts but it might looks strange to onlookers because sometimes i like to  think out loud as well.

Also on a side note, V is not going to be going to badminton anymore which means i have lost my security blanket, she is the one person who i stick around in uni, whom i follow everywhere and only go to things that she goes to, i guess because after two years of being in the same classes and gets me and my weird and random ways, also i don't think she thinks that i'm clingy which i'm not clearly, i mean i can be independent but its hard when you don't have someone to connect with when you're in a group so you have feelings of loneliness even if you're surrounded a bunch of people. anyways i asked R if she wanted to be my new security blanket on fridays she has work most weeks so that did't really help, they suggested that i make B my new security blanket but i was a bit reluctant because he is a guy. which reminds, i have been quite sexist lately, no idea where that came from, anywho out of desperation i made B my new security blanket. hope he is up the challenge because V was a damn good one.

That is all.

Love Squealer.

little bombs

today i tried making macarons again and it is really starting to piss me off. i know there are a billion techniques and whatnot to the process but i was reading other people's blogs and websites and their macarons turned out perfect everytime, where i am still dragging myself along helplessly. this time though they turned out much better and had more of a macaron look to it then my first batch.
i was very determined to do everything right. i 'aged' my eggs and by that i mean shoving them in the microwave, but that is basically the same thing so it should work. i grounded my my already fine almond meal and icing sugar in the food blender, even when i hate loud noises. i sifted it through twice and boy my patience was not very happy. i even dried the mixture in the oven as well. so i was whipping the egg whites and when i had put in all my sugar, i realized that i forgot to halve the sugar quantity so my eggs weren't whipping properly, but never fear i just made them into meringues so i didn't waste it. so there i was whipping the eggs, making sure that i wasn't overbeating the eggs, well i actually don't know how to tell when your eggs are overbeaten so i'm just assuming. then i folded in the powder mixture and carefully mixed it together. then i think i might of over beaten it again. i'm so stupid after all the care i put into it, at the last step i had to ruin it. its just that i love mixing things and i always tend to overdo things, its not my fault that i like the mixing action. yeah i forgot to get rid of the air bubbles as well. i didn't realise that there were air bubbles until an hour into letting it form a skin, i was like yeah it should be alright, but it wasn't readers =(. at least they formed a skin this time and some of them had tiny feet. i guess that is an accomplishment that my macarons had feet, albeit tiny ones. i'm still a bit annoyed that not all of them turned out decent. the air bubbles made the covers cracked and i don't think it rised properly, it was a little too puffy my liking. the green icing was pistachios, the blue was vanilla and the brown was chocolate.

oh yeah i should really learn to spread my icing evenly as well.

i think i'm dedicated sunday as my macaron making day. i will get better and they will look perfect one day.

i went to coles before and they had curly fries on sale so i bought two packets, man i should really stop eating such unhealthy foods, why do they have to be on sale??? now i am slowly digging into my junk food pile that i have accumulated over the week. i really need to go for a run stat.

Love Squealer.