We're born, we live a little while, we die

today in physics, our group had a very philosophical discussion , relatively considering we were in physics.
it was interesting to listen to
though i didn't really say anything.
i cannot be bothered going into specifics of the talk,
but it did get very existentialist,
like how do we exist the way we are,
if technically matter is basically empty space,
then wouldn't we be empty space?
then Mr.R says that its the interaction of atoms
that make us appear solid.
and then we starting pressing our fingers together,
as if to confirm that it isn't empty space
and it was somehow thought-provoking.
well i guess that didn't make any sense,
i didn't explain it properly but oh wells.



studying streetcar has made me realized how ignorant i was,
i read the play before but i never read anything into it.
then my teacher pointed out the sexual innuendos,
like when blanche shrieks when the coke bottle overflows
and foams over the edge,
we weren't convinced until
stanley enters with a bottle of coke under his belt.
we just accused Ms.A for reading too much into the play.
which reminds me not to read to much into anything
otherwise i will find out things i never wanted to know.
now off to finalise university applications.

credits to gingerlilytea on flicker
http://www.flickr.com/photos/gingerlillytea/3559031419/in/set-72157604915680665/

Love Squealer.

the big one

my teacher says we have 17 more school days left,
to which my friend says "we're screwed, let's stop trying."
i think it is a way of forcing us to work more,
given that we hardly worked during the year.


i hate how everything is determined on the upcoming exams,
a lot people say that your enter doesn't matter
but then those people have already done their vce
and don't need to worry.
right now i'm feeling very indifferent about school,
there's a millions things going on
and i feel like i'm drifting through it all.
i'm immersing myself into the wrong things
and yet i can't help myself.


we're doing streetcar and exploring the concept of "whose reality?"
i was thinking what would happened
if i just created an alternative reality
and never leave it.
apart from the fact that i would be institutionalized,
i cannot grapple with the idea someone being in an alternative world,
what does it feel like?
and how would you be in the 'real' world?
sure you would look crazy to some people,
but maybe it is our pretentious perceptions that are crazy.
if i wanted to be in a fantasy world,
i would be in high school musical,
as in my life would be like that
as if i'm living in the movie.
i like being sheltered and happy and light-hearted,
but i guess that comes from the immature and childish nature of mine.
there's just too many horrific issues in the world,
and it seems like it's plunging into a decaying heap
where society has polluted it so much
that's nothing we can do but watch the unravelling of our actions.


i also decided that i want to be a Doctor,
i'm sorry i keep changing my mind,
and don't ask how i'm going to deal with the gory details,
i would like to work in the children's hospital,
it is emotionally and physically draining
but the rewards exceed everything.
being a dentist is also great,
but you don't have the same impact and contribution to society (no offence)
i hope i don't miserably fail umat
so i get a chance of being interviewed.
it would suck that i failed before i started.

fingers crossed i will stop changing my mind.


Love Squealer.

no checkpoints

i haven't bake anything in ages.
if only my cupcakes looked as pretty as that.

this morning i had physics tutor,
which was boring as usual
and i really see no purpose of me going there,
not in the sense that i'm too smart to go
but we just sit and do questions
and basically can be self-taught.
but now i realized that i have only about 10 more lessons.
so i might as well keep at it,
and in a couple of months i will never go tutor again.
which is kinda scary
because i have been brought up around tutoring,
never since school that
i could imagine a time without tutoring.
i was thinking of tutoring after i finish as a job.
hopefully i will be ok.


and and i did go for a run/walk/jog,
more a power walking because i was lazy.
i was hoping to calibrate my sportsband,
but there was no distance signs
so i didn't know how long i ran,
the sportsband said i ran 4.47km
but i think it was around 3km or something.
i want to see if i can reach pipemaker's park,
but that's about 8km away
so then i would have walk 16km and would therefore die.


i also went to highpoint today,
i bought some pens and highlighters.
i wanted to buy the scribblers pens
but it was a 25 pack and
i knew i didn't really need all those pens
so i settled for a 5pack form BIC,
on the plus side it's eco-friendly and it was on sale.
it writes really well too, like the soft-feel one
which is my signature pen for which i use for everything.

that is all,
my legs also feel funny.
and look, i actually posted labels for the post.


Love Squealer.

Take the deviled eggs

i like bumming around school during frees,
i also want to go home but i could never be stuffed.
well i had a double free on friday and i did have plans,
but i never did follow through.
i left just before period 6 and then went to DFO,
i wanted to find some necklace chains at forever new
because they sell cheap faulty jewellery,
and it's cheaper than buying the chain in spotlight.
and i did (find a chain).
then i walked around for a bit and walked into the cosmetics shop,
and again i got my hopes up
because because in the distance,
it looked like a grey matte nail polish, like grey,
not light purple or white.
then i looked at it closer and it turned to be shiny,
not metallic but that tiny dotty shiny if you know what i mean,
so far that's the closest i've found.
i would have bought it but the bottles looked old
and they were laced with pink for some reason.
so i'm going to wait till more stock comes in
and then i'm going to buy it. it's only $2
so that's ok, better than the opi one
which is actually matte grey but it's $20.
and i haven't seen the opi one,
i just saw it on the internet.
yes well that was my friday,
i did plan on going running to calibrate the sportsband
but it started raining and was really windy.
and yes, i did make up excuses.


the exams are getting closer,
and i think i should really start my hardcore studying...
but i never get around to it,
next week i have so many sacs,
which sucks and means i really have to study,
i've been busy with yearbook stuff
because it takes me forever to do the pages,
i'm so bad at photoshop.


anywhoo,
eat lollies.


Love Squealer

Songs about Home

today was the day i went to spotlight,
and it was also the day i vowed never to catch the 903 bus.
i had to wait so long for a bus
because two of the scheduled bus didn't arrive on time
well they didn't arrive full stop.
the one thing that i really don't like is waiting,
and that's all i did today,
i only spent about 10 mins in spotlight.
so yeah so more 903 unless
desperation or boredom is the reason.
i would rant more
but i have already ranted in a previous post,
so feel free to read that.



lately i have feeling so indifference about everything,
you know that feeling where
you don't know the purpose of anything,
and the time so slow,
you want to crawl up in your bed and sleep.
(well i always want to crawl up in bed and sleep)
I want to get myself out of this phase
but i am still unsure how.
my friend Y hid the new copy of seventeen for me,
which made me happy because i have this thing where
i always have to be the first person to borrow a magazine,
although my interest in the magazines have declined,
i still want it first,
i would say that's a middle child thing
but i'm not a middle child.
so that event boosted my happiness,
and the fact that tuesday i had four frees
and this friday i'm going to have a double free.
which also makes me sad
because i don't feel as excited about them
as i used, but i will try to
make good use of this double free,
(not good use as in studying-wise,
i don't study during frees, unless i have to)
i'm thinking of going op-shopping to buy books,
i like second hands books because they're cheap
but they are always put randomly on a shelf
so i never know where to find things,
and i don't know what books are good, too.
so maybe i'll leave at the start of lunch to increase book-searching time.



Love Squealer.

a lot of milk is heavy

everyone avoids eye contact with me
when i ask to watch this movie with me...

her eyes look amazing here,
the website i got it off says it mary kate
but i think it's ashley
but they do look amazingly similiar nowadays
so correct me if i'm wrong
it's been a long time since i've taken an interest in mka
after my obsession faded at the onset of my hsm phase.

"Too many people grow up. That's the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up. They forget. They don't remember what it's like to be 12 years old. They patronize, they treat children as inferiors. Well I won't do that." Walt Disney
The last line makes him sound condescending. =]
i want to buy disney when i grow up

we have nearly finished watching A Streetcar named Desire
in english class.
it's really good although blanche is annoying.
vivien leigh does an amazing protrayal,
i mean i tried reciting the lines and it was so wrong.
and whenever someone mentions marlon brando,
i just shout 'STELLA'.

and the sportsbands for the nike challenge arrived today,
luckily me and S went 'early' and we were able to get some.
i feel terrible because
i forgot to write my other friend's name.
can't wait to try it out and try to get some exercise done.
i've just been eating, studying and sleeping.

I miss being a child.
i miss the freedom and carefree attitude.
at the moment, i still act like a five year old,
i know that i should grow up but i can't break free of that.
it usually around my friends that i am a five year old,
i tone it down around others because it's quite annoying.
but i can't imagine what i'm going to be like next year in uni.
i've grown in this school environment and it has become a part of me.
i hate change but it seems next year is inevitable.
hopefully i will learn and mature.
(but that doesn't mean i will give up high school musical)


Love Squealer.

your legs are short

"The world comes to life and everything's bright From beginning to end When you have a friend by your side That helps you to find The beauty you are, when you open your heart And believe in the gift of a friend The gift of a friend" The Gift of a Friend




(why can't my room look like that??)

yay, no more SACs for the next couple of weeks.
it gives me time to concentrate on the yearbook.
which due in about a month!! i feel really bad
because i haven't done much,
i want to write an article but i'm not very witty
so i don't think people will like it.



i went op shopping on wednesday after school
as a treat for finishing my sac,
which by the way i was so relieved that it's over,
but am now thinking about all the mistakes i made,
well my treat was going to spotlight
and i decided to go to the one in brunswick
because i haven't been there in quite a while
(ahem a couple of weeks).
i was a bit upset as there was nothing to buy.
and thinking i should have gone to essendon instead.
so then i went op shopping.
i brought a belt and a chunky knit cardigan,
it very big and comfy and has a cool winter print on it,
but it's not as cool as my bright orange cardigan,
that was a good find.
i really want to get into vintage shopping
but i just don't have the time to go around looking,
so next year to add to the things-to-do after year 12 list,
i shall regularly go op shopping (and drag my friends along)



Love Squealer.

Deer Hunt

i should really concentrate when i'm studying for english.
i just get so distracted,
i mean i'm distracted in other subjects,
but it really shows in my english.
i keep say thats there only 10 weeks to go,
which means i have only 10 weeks to get my essays writing
in the time limit of 1 hour to an A+ standard for the exam.
it's looking quite bleak but i am trying so hard,
well relatively hard according to my standards.

we were in physics today,
and playing with slinkies,
imitating waves and stuff life that,
and someone got the slinkies tangled
and Mr.R got really mad,
seriously i think
it was the only time i have seen him annoyed,
well relatively speaking,
he was furious, because he's always so mellow.
i remember the last time he got annoyed was in yr9
when my friends and i got the slinkies tangled.


well its going to be an english filled weekend.
and i have no tutor in the morning,
which means i can watch HSM1 on tv. YAY.
i'm looking forward to that. =]


(yes i know that's from HSM2, i just like picture)

Oh and yearbook preparations are underway.
i feel so bad because i don't have any photos,
but i will try my best.
hopefully everyone will like the yearbook.
and and the senior school breakfast is coming,
we're getting it catered so the food
is going to be really good.
i can't wait.



Love Squealer.

Hard Times

I'm trying to learn the hoedown throwdown dance,
but i am epically failing.
i can't even jump to the left!!
it's not even a hard dance routine,
but i'm just so uncoordinated,
darn me and my underdevelopment movement skills.
and the moves are done so fast,
i can't keep up.
i look like an idiot doing it.


The Adelaide Exchange ended today,
i must say i regret not doing being good at a sport,
because i want to be a part of the team.
it was really fun watching the sports.
theatre sports was really good, it was hilarious.
the team was so witty and smart to come with impromptu scenarios.
basketball was pretty aggressive,
for some reason i never pictured basketball to be aggressive.
i just pictured tall people bouncing the ball.
overall macrob won for the ninth consecutive year,
which i must say is pretty good,
but adelaide played quite well,
we got trashed in football.
but we did win chess, 15.5-0.5.
typical macrob.

well only a couple more months until exams,
i have decided to start practice exams now.
don't know if i would actually follow through on that.


Love Squealer.

the Big One

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY MELS FOR TOMORROW.

ok, i got my mid-year results,
and it was what i had expected,
but when i found out it was what i had expected,
it felt a million times worse because it was true.
i was kinda hoping by luck that i would get higher,
but oh wells. i keep saying that physics will be in my bottom 2 subjects,
so i don't really care as long as i get over 40,
well hopefully i get 43, which is still possible.
i'm so jealous of the people who did really good
in their subjects. But i guess there's nothing i can do.
i am quite calm about this, i remember last year
for psychology, i was devastated with my results.

well now i've got a physics SAC tomorrow which i should by studying for,
but it's so boring,
i really regret not doing physics last year,
it also would mean that
i would be able to do uni chem this year,
which i would have loved.
anyways electromagnetic induction
is really stupid, like i care about that.
i don't like unit 4 physics,
its too random and weird
and not much maths.

well i guess i'm over that hump,
now just wait till enters come out...

i guess i can concentrate on trying harder,
especially English which i majorly suck at.

and and i can really start planning my party.
i want to have a smallish party on my actual birthday,
to celebrate and get out of the tedium of school.
maybe we can go eat dinner or something or a picnic,
but something small.
i love planning,
i should become a party planner in my next life.


Love Squealer.

the big jump

well i am really dreading tomorrow.
since we get our mid-year results,
i don't mind chemistry
but i really don't want my physics results,
the thing is the exam was fairly easy
and i did everything ok but i made a stupid mistake
so that will bring my mark down,
and because it was easy, the percentage to get an A+
would be uber high and i think i loss too many marks.
now i'm going to be so ashamed
to get anything lower than an A+
for physics, i know that it's going to be one of my bottom four subjects,
and i can still get over 40 with an A
(assuming that's what i get)
it still kinda sucks,
and because everyone's expecting me to get high
and heaps of other people will get A+ too.
it's going to be like psychology all over again.
yes i know i'm being dramatic, but be thankful
you don't actually physically see me when i get my results.
because my friends hate it when i'm like that.
(all whiny and complaining and self deprecating).


well to cheer myself up,
i'm going to buy some
highschool musical cosmetics at target afterwards,
because they're on sale,
and some lollies to eat away the pain.

there's nothing much happening next week.
and there's not much to look forward to,
i guess my birthday's coming up
but i'm having a really belated party.
and it's still in a month.

also i've got to do more work for yearbook.
i feel so bad because i haven't done much.
oh and i've got to go do something right now.


bye bye

Love Squealer.