ho ho, it's been a while, obviously due to exams and all, but i'm still alive and made it through, well just barely. Exam periods are always hard, but worse when you get stuck inside your head. There was a constant thought process of possible failures and future uncertainties, except sometimes i convince myself that i probably wouldn't get an offer, there's (i'm assuming) a lot of other applicants who will most likely get better marks than me. I know i shouldn't be thinking about those things, but after trying for what seems like so long and feeling as if it may have been useless, I feel it's necessary to brace myself for the worse. Sometimes i wish i had more confidence in myself, rather i wished i'm more continuously confidence, it comes and goes quite quickly. I want to feel like I've given my best this year and whatever happens, i did the right thing but I don't. Even though i know i probably given it my best shot, which makes it all the worse when i don't get an offer because it just means i wasn't good enough. I haven't found much that helps me though this; music helps a little but it's not enough, so i find myself constantly telling myself that i will get an offer, sometimes it works but sometimes it doesn't.
Anywhoo, i'm excited for the holidays. I think this one will be so amazing and life-changing. There's not much i want to achieve, I'm tired of making lists and never finishing them, so no lists, just going with the flow.
Today was an awesome start to the holidays, there was badminton with the pharm crew and lunch afterwards. It has been a while since I've exercised so it was nice after spending so much time sitting at my desk. It was so good to catch up with everyone but for some reason, i felt a little off, i just wasn't feeling like myself, i think its just the nauseous feeling that the uni year is over, and all i'm doing now it waiting.
I apologize for the somewhat sad post, but writing about it helps, and that's what's on my mind. Hears to more exciting posts with photos soon.
Oh yeah, not interesting news, but i'm culling my wardrobe, because it's so full and i have about 5 large garbage bags filled with clothes from Bendigo that i have to unpack and somehow fit in my wardrobe.
Love Squealer.
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